Falling stars.

August 25, 2011


Filed under: life — evaaysw93 @ 3:34 pm

Listening to ‘One of Us’ by Joan Osborne reminds me of the many mistakes I did in the past year, and of how His actions had affected my life. Back in high school, I had it all-a boyfriend, and a caring family who cared for me and was always there no matter what happened. At the start of 2011, I lost it all. I broke up with the boyfriend, who had been with me for quite a while, and I felt that the family started to not care as much as they did the previous year. And so, it was true. Maybe it was the fact that I was growing up, but it felt like they were letting me go too fast.

When I started college, things suddenly changed. Not for the worst, nor the better. I got to know great people in campus, trust me. It gave me the feeling of comfort, and that they would always be there for me, no matter what shit I had to go through in life. They also reminded me of my friends back in high school. If one of us was seen holding a tissue or showing a sour face, we would console and comfort them, letting them know that we were their roots of comfort and always had our support no matter how they had fucked things up. It felt like…family. Then college came, but that didn’t stop us from having talking about our college life and sharing experiences, the good and the bad. We laughed and comforted at the bad ones, and cheered at the good ones.

Things did change, don’t get me wrong about that. I suddenly felt like I had been given a pair of wings, and no one had taught me how to use it, or to brief me about it. College suddenly felt tougher even though I had great friends by my side but the feeling of being fucked up was instilled inside of me every time I went home. Not to be a bad child and say that I dislike my home, but the feeling of home wasn’t like how it felt like after I left for college. It didn’t offer me any sense of belonging. It just…offered me a feeling of staying at someone’s place far too long.

After 2 months of being with the boyfriend, I feel like things are pretty messy. But then again, life is always pretty messy, and who are we to decide whether our lives should have road blocks or bumps? We all know, if things don’t turn out as we expect them to be like, then it’s called an experience. A famous saying, “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade out of them” by Dale Carnegie is  often said by many people, but how many of them actually practice what they preach? What if your way out was actually one of the lemons? You can’t just turn lemonade into lemons, that’s not possible unless if you’re God or something of higher power.

If mistakes don’t make us stronger, then I don’t know what gives. Heck, I don’t think anyone knows what’ll happen if we don’t make mistakes in life. I admit, I made mistakes in life, but what wouldn’t I give to turn back time and change it. In my first philosophy class, my lecturer posed different questions to discuss about during class and one of the questions was actually about your views about the right and the wrong. My group discussed that, and it hit me, if life was really about being right and wrong. If we lived right according to the rules adhered to us by higher powers, it doesn’t mean that we would live longer and get to see our great grandkids or things like that. So why not, screw things up, and see the outcome. It might make life a little better, don’t you think so?

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